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RIP

November 18, 2010

Somewhere in my neighborhood, there is a squirrel, or a cat, or a very strong pigeon, who is finding himself with a bit of a tummy ache.  I imagine this critter is having balance issues, walking only crooked lines, zigging, and zagging, and surly unable to pass any sort of sobriety tests the local police officers may implement when they come across our little “friend.”

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As I was walking down the pathway to my apartment door, I found this box, laying in the middle of the sidewalk, along side three zip lock bags – each labeled with words to peak my excitement. 

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Apparently I wasn’t the only one who found excitement in this package.  It would seem that the above mentioned squirrel, or cat, or very strong pigeon found their way into the treats themselves.  No need for opposable thumbs when you can bypass the zip-lock with your teeth or beak.

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After I removed the piece of bubble wrap from the box opening graciously left by the squirrel, or cat, or very strong pigeon, I got to thinking about a few other possibilities.

Like a mouse, or a snake, or a very strong spider.  I got to thinking about these little creepy crawlies possibly still being in the box.  I thought, and thought, and thought soem more.  Then I did what any reasonable person would do – I took one giant step backwards and held my breath. 104_6699

My hesitance lasted approximately 17 seconds, until I realized that if there were some treats out of the box, that there might be more treats inside of the box.  I got over the idea of a sneaky treat thief and opened the box. 104_6707

Apparently the squirrel, or cat, or very strong pigeon also liked my note from Kelly.  Thankfully, by some miracle, a few treats were left behind for me.

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Dear squirrel, or cat, or very strong pigeon,

a) That package that you ate, it was addressed to me. 

b) Apparently you only like chocolate in the shape of chips, baked in cookies.  What’s up with that?

c) Not that I’m complaining – I like infusion chocolates. I like chocolate salted nuts.

d) But I also like cookies, and animal crackers, and sweet & spicy nuts – and for this, I am angry with you.

e) So when the spring time comes around, I will not be leaving the tops of strawberries on my back deck for you, squirrel.  And  I will never “hey, pretty kitty!” you again, wandering cat.  As for you pigeon – well, if this was you, you are REALLY strong, and therefore, I’m not messing with you. I’m familiar with Hitchcock.

f) I hope you don’t die from a sugar high. 

g) and if you do, I hope you rest in peace.  And that no one comes along to eat you, uninvited. I’m just saying.

Sincerely,
Heather

Thank you, Kelly for my lovely package.  The squirrel, the cat, and the very strong pigeon say thank you, too.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. Liz @ Blog is the New Black permalink
    November 18, 2010 6:41 pm

    What a bummer! Although, kinda funny. 😉

  2. November 18, 2010 6:47 pm

    Oh no! At least the furry friend saved some for you:)

  3. November 18, 2010 6:49 pm

    Oh my gosh!! I can’t believe your goodies were eaten! Ok, I guess maybe the nuts make sense (assuming it was a squirrel or some kind of rodent) but I can’t believe it ate the chocolate chip cookies too, and not the other nuts!

    This is hilarious.

    I’m glad they left some for you 🙂

  4. November 18, 2010 7:00 pm

    oh my goodness – what a bummer! the good ole USPS held my savvy scones hostage for 2 days…but at least they didn’t EAT them.

  5. Mippy permalink
    November 18, 2010 7:05 pm

    Wow!
    That’s sooome tough neighborhood you live in!!
    The Animals! Stealing cookies and chocolate!!! What is the world coming to?!?
    *hurries to check on my own treats for their safety*
    *sighs*
    All is safe.
    Well, think of it this way…they weren’t so strong that they could get in your freezer!
    Ben & Jerry will be safe!
    On second thought….*prepares to send padlock and chain*
    Good Luck out there, Heather!!!
    ~Mippy 🙂

  6. November 18, 2010 7:11 pm

    I’m way creeped out now by the thought of a Very Strong Spider.

    I have an unnatural fear of spiders, and I mostly blame my dad.

    One Saturday morning when I was about 5, my brother and I were up early before our parents. We wanted cereal, which was kept in a high cabinet. There was a chair in the kitchen, up against the wall. Kevin pulled it away to stand on it and get us cereal. There was a HUGE spider on the wall where the chair was!! About 3.5 inches (the spider gets bigger each time the story is told). I screamed, of course, then ran to get my dad. He was sleeping. He got out of bed, came down the hall (can you picture it? like that sleepy, rub your eyes and smack your mouth stumble?) into the kitchen… he looked at the spider and HIT IT WITH HIS HAND. Then walked away, back to bed.

    *Shudder*

    As we got older, my dad always hid birthday and holiday gifts in the garage. The garage was a place for my bicycle and that is all… because Dad, in an effort to keep me from snooping for gifts (did he shop year round??), would tell me tales of HUGE spiders he’d see in the garage. He said they “barked” and that you could hear their footsteps.

    Another time, I was running around the corner of our huge deck with my childhood friend, Tracey. Rounding the corner, we ran RIGHT INTO one of those round webs with the orange spiders in the middle. GAAH. Somehow I will still blame my dad for that one, too. 😉

    …It’s only spiders. I grew up spending summers in Hawaii, and there were huge cockroaches that would occasionally “drop by”. These did not bother me, nor do snakes or any other kind of creepy thing, really.

    Sorry something ate your awesome package.

  7. November 18, 2010 7:47 pm

    probably a raccoon? 😛 but then again, if it was a raccoon, it probably would’ve eaten all of the contents.

  8. November 18, 2010 9:12 pm

    Ha! I love the letter to the animal. He ate well…except the packaging 🙂

  9. November 18, 2010 9:33 pm

    It was not a squirrel. It was probably Barack Obama! After all, these days everyone seems to blame everything on President Obama, don’t they? LOL

    Okay, okay. It might not have been Barack Obama but I just betcha the Secret Service sent that critter into that box undercover? I smell a movie here Heather… “Da Obama Code”.

  10. November 19, 2010 1:17 am

    Damn. Animals are feisty. Thankfully they only go after our trash. Otherwise I would have issues.

  11. abbynormally permalink
    November 19, 2010 9:48 am

    That’s devastating!!!

    And I’m talking about the food, not the animal!!!

  12. November 19, 2010 12:18 pm

    OMG! Who knew rodents enjoyed delicious baked treats? What an a-hole squirrel!

  13. November 20, 2010 3:57 pm

    OMG I’m thinking it was a squirrel. They used to chew through my garbage can lids when I had an apartment. And those things are made of durable plastic! Dumb animals! haha.

Trackbacks

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