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What I Say & What I Mean

September 29, 2010

cornmaze2

What I say and what I mean are my disguise in words.

 

I say I’ve lost 40lbs. What I mean is that the scale reads that I’ve lost anywhere between 30 and 40 pounds, depending on the day.

I say I’m working on losing the remaining over-weight and getting to my goal.  What I mean is that I wish the weight would fall of on it’s own, that I didn’t have to put in any effort.

I say I don’t share about my losing weight because it’s personal.  What I mean is that I am afraid to set weight loss goals out to others because I don’t want to fail, to be held accountable by anyone.

I say I’m eating for my best health.  What I mean is that I am eating for my “whatever I want to eat right now” health, treats and snacks and more than enough. 

I say I make one healthy decision at a time. What I mean is that I make one healthy decision at a time, one out of every five-or-so decisions.

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I’ve been drinking a glass or two of wine each evening the last week. 
Last night I made a batch of 8 cookies.  I just ate the last one and made another batch. 
I eat 3-5 large coffee shop treats each week, as I blog or tweet or answer emails.
How can I make local pub sweet potato fries healthier? I know! I’ll dip them in mayo.
Greek yogurt is healthy. Three servings of Greek yogurt a day, each topped with crumbled baked good, salted cashews, granola, and almond butter may be pushing it.

 

And it has to stop.
I need to start saying what I mean and meaning what I say.
I need to stop viewing restriction as such a bad thing.
I need to start making a plan and sticking to it.
I need to stop being ashamed of what I have to lose.
I need to start sharing my goals and my progress and my follow through with someone.
I need to stop pretending.

 

I am maskless. I am wigless. I am hatless. 
My disguises are gone and I am ready to put it all out there, as me.
I will lose the weight. I will do what it takes, as I’ve done it before.  I will succeed.

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38 Comments leave one →
  1. September 29, 2010 10:04 pm

    Good for you to put this out there and be real about it.

    Making this one healthy decision will help you make another!

  2. September 29, 2010 10:06 pm

    LOVEEEEE!!!! Love love love love love this. It’s true. For both of us. Accountability baby. I’ll text you whenevr I think you’re at the shop and tell you to put the treat down. 😉

    Oh yeah. And I love you. More than this post. Which says a lot. 😉

  3. September 29, 2010 10:08 pm

    You’re such an inspiration. Thank you for this post. Being true to yourself is the most important thing and we all have drawbacks. You can do it! 🙂

  4. September 29, 2010 10:16 pm

    Confession. I was doing good this month keeping my sweet tooth under semi control, until the work stress hit. Everyone falls off the wagon (and into the peanut m&m jar in my case), but the growth from getting back on will be so worthwhile in the end.

    I believe in you!

  5. September 29, 2010 10:18 pm

    Thank you for your honest post. I’m in a similar place, and I need to take responsibility for it. I have to not eat so much, healthy or not. I have to say no when someone says to join them. I can’t blame my food choices on other people. We have to own it! But thank you; it helps to see someone else go through the same thing.

  6. September 29, 2010 10:21 pm

    I so understand where you are coming from. I have been feeling the same way lately! Good for you for putting it out there. I wrote a similar post a couple of days ago. I know you have lots of blog community support, but feel free to email me if you need any more accountability…because I am in a similar place. At any rate, I’ll be reading your blog for some inspiration! 🙂

  7. September 29, 2010 10:24 pm

    By the way, you are succeeding by simply being honest. When you said you need to stop pretending, I was reminded of Finding Neverland. Pretending is not always a bad thing. Making healthy choices should not always be a task or a “should”. Treat yourself well and your body will thank you. And one good choice out of five is better than no good choices at all. That is 2 good choices every 10 and 4 every 20. Not to belittle your ambition, but I think you are already so strong and I believe that you need to give yourself a little more credit. You are an inspiration (as has been said by many others).

  8. September 29, 2010 10:27 pm

    You are HUMAN, stuff like this happens and it’s okay. I’m glad you were able to discuss it openly and honestly on your blog. I find that admitting the issue usually helps.

    I still need to lose 30-40 lbs, start running faster, eating less junk food and drinking less wine but it’s HARD. Everyday is a struggle and I’ve learned to celebrate the little victories.
    I’m rooting for you!

    Feel free to e-mail me anytime!

  9. Ali permalink
    September 29, 2010 10:28 pm

    I just love you. I know, it’s weird, because I’ve only just stumbled upon your blog. And because I don’t *technically* know you. And because, who tells someone they love via personal blog? Well…I do. I really do. Thank you for your honesty, wit and humor, and overall expression of life. I really appreciate it and I feel so similar to everything you’ve (ever) said. THANK YOU. You can do this. Know that I’m doing it with you. Hearts and hugs 🙂

  10. September 29, 2010 10:41 pm

    Aww this was wonderful! Good for you Heather! I know it’s hard to always express what we really want to say (trust me, I completely understand .. especially when perhaps talking to my husband sometimes when really I’m just frustrated with myself and take it out on him) .. so I’m glad you’ve realized this about yourself. Self reflection is definitely hard and I’m getting used to it as well.

  11. Kristen permalink
    September 29, 2010 10:47 pm

    thank you for this!
    I have been saying one thing, but doing another.
    Need to get refocused. For me. Not the number on the scale. but me!

  12. September 29, 2010 10:53 pm

    Heather,

    You are wonderful. Thank you for being so beautiful, raw, real, down to earth, and inspiring. You are a strong person and one of my absolute faves even though we’ve only hung out what? about 2 days in real life? you are awesome! Ever since graduating college and starting that horrid job/now being on the job hunt, I’ve had NO motivation to exercise or even care about portion control. I’ve put on about 10 lbs and just feel horrible. We can do this together! I’m with Lindsey.. call/text me anytime!

    Tomorrow is a brand new day!

  13. September 29, 2010 11:01 pm

    I already mentioned this (but I was somewhat distracted as I was yelling at my TV as to where my Walker family has gone, and holy heck, when did Justin get so freaking HOT?!) …
    I digress.

    I love that are willing to share so much of yourself with us… the good, the bad, the joys and the struggles. Life isn’t all happy fields of flowers and… well, I’m not sure what else.
    I do know that the things that mean most in life are the ones that take work. Hard work. And some times we take a step off the path, but it’s the person who takes the initiative to get back on, it takes courage and determination.
    You will succeed. I know you will.
    And if you need help, encouragement, someone to rant too, you know where to find me.

  14. Corey - The Runner's Cookie permalink
    September 30, 2010 5:06 am

    We all need to give ourselves a little kick in the pants once in a while! You can do it and have lots of people who will support you along the way – Go Heather!!

  15. September 30, 2010 7:51 am

    No joke, Heather, I truly believe you have the best blog on the Internet. You’re a brilliant writer, you’re honest and you’re not afraid to just be you. I have so much admiration for you.
    I have every confidence that you’ll get back up on the horse and do what you need to do for yourself. I know that I’ll be here reading and cheering you on no matter what.

  16. September 30, 2010 10:15 am

    Your thoughts=my thoughts.

    No really.

  17. September 30, 2010 10:27 am

    Love the honesty and how you write about it. You will get back on track! Just remember the good things you’re doing too and don’t be too hard on yourself.

  18. Notes from the Fatty File permalink
    September 30, 2010 11:44 am

    I love this post and I love your writing. Thank you for being so honest.

  19. September 30, 2010 11:54 am

    Love the openness in your posts. It’s a refreshing thing in the healthy living blog-o-sphere.

    We all fall off the wagon. It’s the willingness to climb back on that counts (plus that means later you get to fall off again and enjoy a few treats). 🙂

  20. Jennie permalink
    September 30, 2010 12:26 pm

    It’s safe to say that you are my favorite blogger of all time. So many of your posts are exactly what I say in my own head. I’m not a blogger, but I read several, and I always wonder if they ever just MESS UP. Because I do, all the time. Thank you for posting this. 🙂

  21. September 30, 2010 12:41 pm

    I love how vulnerable and honest you can be. It is so inspiring. And I think it shows that those people who we may think do a perfect job at being healthy and have life all together may not really to the extent it seems. We all have weaknesses. Great post! And you can do anything you put your mind to.

  22. September 30, 2010 12:47 pm

    And we will be here to support you. Don’t be afraid to fail because we would never look at it as failure. We’ve all been there and know how hard it is. We write these blogs for support, so don’t hide yourself from us. LISTEN TO ME, WOMAN! 😉

  23. September 30, 2010 12:54 pm

    I would appreciate a blog where the writer is actually in the process of losing weight. So many of the blogs are about maintenance, and not a lot of people are still in weight loss mode. Good luck to you and holding yourself accountable to all of your readers will hopefully help you realize your true potential!

  24. Hillary permalink
    September 30, 2010 1:16 pm

    I echo what so many have said already: you say what I think, but with so much more wit and grace. I’ve gained back 40 lbs. and have been in denial about it for far too long, allowing myself pumpkin scones and way too much wine. Please share as much as possible about this part of your journey – the getting back on track part – so we can truly do this together. I believe if you can I can too…your words are so powerful. Thank you for letting us live life together.

  25. September 30, 2010 2:33 pm

    I can relate to this so much right now! You can do it. It will happen. You are beautiful.

  26. September 30, 2010 3:27 pm

    Wow, what a brave and honest post. It’s great that you are facing up to what you are doing and where you want to be but remember not to put too much pressure on yourself. You may indulge a little too often but I bet you are healthier now than you were in the past and you should remember how far you’ve come.

  27. September 30, 2010 4:10 pm

    Replace wine with beer, baked goods with salty snacks, and you’ve got my exact life in a nutshell…oh! nuts, yes thank you, I’ll have some of those too. It is awesome that you can share it with us – it is inspirational and reminds me to speak my truth. Thank you!

  28. September 30, 2010 5:45 pm

    This is an incredible post, Heather. I think it’s great that you just opened up so honestly about all of this stuff.
    You are not alone.
    Do not give up.

  29. September 30, 2010 7:59 pm

    I generally try to avoid the “I appreciate your honesty” comment because it’s…well, it gets cliche. But when I say I appreciate your honesty, I really mean it. I wish more bloggers were that honest (myself included). That’s not a jab at other bloggers, it’s just so exciting to know that I’m always going to leave your blog feeling more enlightened/challenged/and with a sense of clarity that I didn’t have 5 minutes ago.

  30. September 30, 2010 8:51 pm

    WOW. That was so wonderful and honest. Thanks. I’m sorry I’ve lurked so long and never commented…. but I can’t lurk any longer because this post deserves a response! It’s actually just such a privilege to read your authentic thoughts.

  31. October 1, 2010 4:04 pm

    I’m pretty much in the same boat. If I just eat whatever I want in a day, I’m probably eating a little too much. If I splurge and have a “bad meal” (as I view them in my brain), I eat WAY too much. And if I track my calories I either eat the right amount and feel deprived, or I freak out at the numbers, rebel and eat way too much.

    Meanwhile, I have a 10K in two weeks and my hips are hurt and I’m mostly avoiding exercise all together.

    and I CAN’T bring myself to blog about it.

    Sigh.

  32. October 3, 2010 9:34 pm

    Great post, Heather!! I think part of the reason that I stopped blogging about everything I eat is for the same reasons……I don’t want to admit about all of the snacks I eat at night since there are far too many, etc.

    PS, where did you find that Valpolicella wine??? I’m originally from Valparaiso (Valpo) IN and I would love to get my hands on some of that to give to family/friends 🙂

    • October 3, 2010 9:38 pm

      i got the wine a local wine & liquor store in my little village – i can get you their contact info if you’d like 🙂

  33. October 11, 2010 11:13 am

    I love this, and I love you. Love love love.

    And if it makes you feel any better, you wouldn’t believe the amount of wine we drank in the past week… ahem.

Trackbacks

  1. Now What? « Then Heather Said
  2. Healthy Living :: Weight Loss :: Now What?

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