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The Ugly Truth

February 27, 2010

I’ve had a headache for 3 days.  It pretends to go away for an hour or two, and then it reappears.

I have no desire to write.  I keep telling myself that I need to.  That I should. That if i just sit down and open up one of the 17 drafts I have in live writer, that the words will just pour out of me.  because i am wordy. and that’s how it’s suppose to work.  Regardless, I haven’t been able to finish one of those posts.

I have been a Debbie Downer for the last week or so.  I can tell because my twitter feed sounds more whiney than cheerful.  I can tell because my google reader keeps looming around 500.  I can tell because there are only a handful of people that I want to talk to as of late.  I can tell because I am stuck in this feeling sorry for myself attitude that I really do loathe, but keep finding myself sitting it it.  GROSS.

I want to escape it. 

I want to escape the negative comments.  I want to escape the mean words. I want to escape the confusion and the headache.  I want to escape the desire to quit, to give up, and to stop doing the things that just a few weeks ago made me extremely happy and feel “at home”. (which is something I feel I am constantly on a quest to find)

I know that healing, any kind of healing takes time.  Healing from an injury. Healing from an illness. Healing from heart break. Healing from this stupid reappearing headache. It all takes time. And so does healing from a bad day, or a rough week, or a poor attitude.

So this weekend, I find myself taking time.

Time to watch the snow fall from my deck.
Time to eat grapes and tangerines and a peach+banana green monster.
Time to journal through my doubts and fears and find rest in words of hope and faith.
Time to read my Bible, and some Donald Miller, and Losing It by Valerie Bertinelli, and the March issue of Women’s Health.
Time to listen to NPR podcasts on my ipod and not say a word for several hours.
Time to watch Sydney White and giggle. and giggle. and giggle.
Time to drink a Cherry Coca-Cola and dig deep into my heart to figure out WHY I am feeling this way. 

It’s not enough just to treat the symptoms. I need to take time to treat what it is that is causing the symptoms. It’s a matter of transformation & change.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. February 27, 2010 11:21 pm

    I think sometimes we just go through funks, ya know. I am confident you will come out better than ever on the other side.

  2. February 28, 2010 7:51 am

    Hang in there, girl. We have all been there. And Heather is right, you will come out on the other side stronger.

  3. February 28, 2010 8:36 am

    I didn’t notice at all that you seemed negative, but that is probably because I have been such a debbie downer myself, and felt very miserable on blog/twitter/etc. I’m sure you will get through it, girl.

  4. February 28, 2010 8:53 am

    Feel better Heather! I think we all get in those funks. Take your time. Let me know what I can do! I LOVE YOU FRIEND!

  5. February 28, 2010 12:27 pm

    Take as long of breather as you need! Do what you can to improve your mood 🙂

  6. February 28, 2010 5:27 pm

    Sorry for the mood slump, hun. I swear this time of year has something to do with it. Winter just won’t seem to go away, and the sun keeps hiding.
    Hope you feel better soon!

  7. February 28, 2010 9:59 pm

    I’m glad your taking for yourself! This too will fade before you know it. Hopefully spring will rear its beautiful head soon and will help us all cheer up a little bit.

  8. March 1, 2010 12:14 am

    Sorry you’re having a hard time. I really think that saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is true. When I was going through my breakup with my ex-fiance, it was one of the lowest points in my life. But, in some ways, I’m glad it happened because it made me a much stronger person. It showed me that I was stronger than I thought I was. Sending hugs your way. 🙂 D

  9. March 1, 2010 6:20 am

    Well, that explains it Missy Miss. 🙂 Been thinking about you since seeing your Twitter post last Friday. Weird how you do that with someone you only know “virtually” (and newly at that). Also – been there, girlfriend. More occassions than I like to admit…no hubby, no babies, no job (for the past 14 months!), no ministry…Life has so not turned out the way I thought it would. And yes, sometimes we have to just let it be “ok” to be where we’re at in that moment. Sounds like you made some good choices this past weekend. I’ve been going through this amazing book this past month – Living the Life you Were Meant to Live by Tom Paterson. If you get a chance, check out some of the nuggets at #FoxyCharacter on Twitter. Hopefully, you will find it as encouraging as I do. Hang in there SuperFox! 😉

  10. March 1, 2010 7:56 am

    Oooh my love, I feel you, do I ever. I myself was just in a funk yesterday – and I’m not talking about ‘We need the funk, Gotta have that funk” kind of way. I was just blah. After I peeled myself out of my SATC induced slump I ventured to Whole Foods where I let my mind get lost in 10,000 teas. As I passed the hot/cold bar, I thought of you as I know your closest is very, very far away. I am glad you are taking time for yourself. Sometimes that’s all the soul needs is some love and nurture. Happy Monday!! xoxo

  11. March 3, 2010 5:18 pm

    It’s completely ok to feel like that every once in awhile 🙂 I hope you can come up on the bright side SUPER SOON!!!!

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