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Bad Morning, Great Day

February 3, 2010
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Last night I couldn’t sleep. again.
I tried. again.
I laid down and tried counting back from 300 in 3’s.  Not as hard as you may think.
I got up and walked around.
I laid down and read the most boring book I could find.  All that happened was my mind wandering away from the words.
I got up and rearranged my pantry.
I laid down and tried to count sheep. The sheep in my imagination kept asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer and wouldn’t let me get a bit of rest.
I got up and did a 45 minute arm lifting session.
I laid down and REFUSED to get up until 6:00 AM.
15 minutes later I was reclined in the living room watching Sweet Home Alabama and reading Julie’s blog. [how did I forget that McDreamy is in Sweet Home Alabama?  Pop Culture Princess FAIL.]
I woke up at 3:00 AM and rushed into bed to savor 3 hours of comfortable sleep before “On Wisconsin” would be playing on my blackberry to wake me up. 

Let me tell you my friends, 3 hours and 20ish minutes of sleep does not make a happy Heather in the morning, no matter how hard I tried.

Coffee. Downward Dogs times a billion. Coffee. Shower. Coffee. Dressed in something I feel fabulous wearing. Gather cupcakes for office birthday celebration.  Coffee. Hair drying and straightening. Twittering. Black flats. Coffeeeeeeee. And out the door I go.

You’ll notice I didn’t check to see what the weather was before I got dressed.  Which would explain why I was wearing my black flats and slipping on my porch steps in an inch and a half of unexpected snow.  Which would explain why the cupcakes I had spent more time than ever before decorating in order to look “put together” were now upside down in the cupcake carrier and I was cursing my way to the car.  Which would explain my decision to sit and my desk and ask my twitter friends for help on how to make a bad morning a great day.

You’ll also notice I didn’t eat breakfast before leaving the apartment. Oops.  Coffeeee?
Thankfully I had an orange and an apple in my purse and a jar of white chocolate wonderful peanut butter in my desk. This will have to do.  [although I did consider cupcakes for breakfast.]

In the quest for a great day, over the next two hours I hit my head on a counter top, lost my favorite pen, sent an email to the wrong person, remembered I am suppose to attend back to back fitness classes tonight for the class challenge and that I have little energy to do so, realized I sliced my ankle shaving, got a text message I should have never answered, and found an entire folder of wedding emails while I was doing some desktop organization.  Splendid.

But I was determined, still, at 10:00 AM, to have the bad morning turn into a great day.

And then I saw a boy in a sweater, and the blues melted away.

 

Oh, the weaknesses.

My name is Heather, and I think every boy looks better in a sweater. 
I don’t mind a scruffy face, and like to be in control.  I keep a never-ending list of quotes I come across that I think are worthy of being written down.  I’ve made mistakes I wish I could have handled differently, but I refuse to have regrets because I’ve learned so much through them all.  I avoid confrontation so often, and will put off conversations because of fear even when I know it’s wrong.  I have way too many guilty pleasures and not enough innocent ones.  I feel homesick everyday, but in the same breath feel excited to be here creating my new home.  I want a garden so badly, but my thumbs are basically coal.  I sometimes wear my engagement ring on my right hand because I like the sparkle.  I fear that last sentence will get eye rolling and judgmental thoughts.  I care too much what everyone else thinks.  I want to run faster.  I still doubt myself, and battle negative self-esteem.  I can come off as a bit of a know-it-all and a lot of a want to know-it-all.  I am not as good at staying in touch with people as I used to be, or as I want to be.  I am horrible at returning phone calls and have an issue remembering to check my voicemail.  I am not perfect, and I know it, but sometimes I like to pretend.  I am wordy and could go on for days, but then again, lunch only lasts an hour. 

I know these are not my good parts. Some of them, a lot of them, are my bad parts.  But I love every one of them.  I am learning to love being me, even the parts I don’t like.  The ugly parts of my personality are the parts that give me hope – because they are the parts that I will change.  I want to grow and make better decisions each day.  I want my bad mornings to become great days. 

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. February 3, 2010 2:08 pm

    I still laugh over the part about boys in sweaters. I guess growing up with brothers and going to Catholic school wearing a uniform, I ALWAYS saw boys in sweaters. 🙂

    I care too much what everyone else thinks as well. I definitely didn’t roll my eyes when you mentioned wearing the engagement ring. I would do the same thing. and I really love that in your constant struggle to love everything about yourself, that you are still so strong! You really are, Heather! 🙂

  2. February 3, 2010 2:11 pm

    I’m sorry you had such a bad start to your day.
    I love your writing style and the last part of your post is fantastic.
    🙂

  3. February 3, 2010 3:06 pm

    Wow, what a great and vulnerable post. I can identify with so many of the things you metnioned. I too, am trying to learn to love all of myself, even my flaws! I think (hope) that most people are.

    Sorry you’ve had such a rough morning, I hope it’s going much better. At least the White Choc Wonderful should help (I’m working on a jar too!).

  4. February 3, 2010 3:09 pm

    No eye rolling here… you are sparkle-worthy!
    Sorry to hear that you had a bad day. The best thing about days is that we get to go to bed, and start fresh tomorrow. Tomorrow isn’t part of your bad day- it’s a new fresh day that has the potential to be better!!!!

  5. February 3, 2010 6:02 pm

    I love this, I love this, I love this. So sorry you had a horrible day, but like someone above said, tomorow is a brand new day and a fresh start. I too had a crap of a day, did lots of thinking and reflecting on where I’m heading. Every day I struggle with fully and entirely loving myself, but really think it’s part of life – part of the journey.

  6. Eric Durham permalink
    February 3, 2010 6:20 pm

    Are sweaters a common weakness? If they are I am rushing out to buy more! Seriously, I hardly even know you but I know you to be thoughtful, considerate, friendly, warm, down right infectious! Everyone has a few spots on their soul–just don’t think for a moment that a few spots dim the wonder of you or define what you can achieve. If you can’t see your strenghths, just ask the rest of us–we can’t miss them.

    E

  7. Anne Marie Elvekrog permalink
    February 3, 2010 6:43 pm

    Heather,

    You are a beautiful person both inside and out! I hope that you realize that : – )

    I miss you and your energy, positive attitude and all around love of life.

    Anne Marie

  8. February 3, 2010 7:08 pm

    Not getting sleep is a big big bummer!

    I think boys in sweaters are mighty cute too! There’s somthing wholesome and casual about it…

  9. Abby permalink
    February 3, 2010 7:43 pm

    Don’t forget about all of your strengths! Like your love for others, your sense of humor, your independence, your courage, your ability to recognize your weaknesses and rough mornings and struggles, learn from them and MOVE ON. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, sweet person and I’m so glad we’re friends!!

    Also….when I can’t sleep I think of a Beatles’ song for every letter of the alphabet. Like “A” is “All You Need is Love”. Yea, I love the Beatles. Hahahah I usually fall asleep around “J” (“Julia”)!

  10. February 3, 2010 9:29 pm

    I refuse to have regrets too. No matter what decision I’ve made, good or bad, they have led me to this exact moment in my life, and even though I’m not where I’d like to be in my life…I like it 🙂

    No eye rolling here either. That ring is yours, wear it on your right hand all you want. Sparklie things are happy things 🙂

  11. February 3, 2010 10:12 pm

    You’re an astonishingly beautiful human being Heather. You don’t just try getting up on the other side of the bed, you leap up and tell the bad side to kiss your bottom. I LOVE it. I love you, your person. Beautiful post dear 🙂

  12. February 4, 2010 9:40 am

    ooooh heather. i love each and every one of your posts- they are infused with such beauty and reality. you are honest and caring, which are two qualities not a lot of people have. if they ever judge you for something you do, know it is out of jealousy as they don’t possess the same bits. and that they are mystified as to how you do it all. because you do. even if the cupcakes are smooshed, your footwear creates a slip and slide, and you are down one less pen. those are the little things and what is important is the big picture. the happy woman who brings such joy to everyone, even on 3 hours, 20 minutes of sleep. even those in sweaters.

    next time you have trouble sleeping, let me know- i’ll send you some of my work. that’ll have you snoozing in no time.

  13. February 4, 2010 12:41 pm

    Sorry to hear about the rough morning dear. I would have had a cupcake for breakfast. I maintain a cupcake is pretty much the same thing as a donut 🙂 It sounds like things are improving a bit though. I hope the day continues to get better and better!

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