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Rush of Monday

January 11, 2010

In the rush that is Monday morning, I left my blackberry at home today. I feel SO FAR AWAY from the world.  No text messages. No emails alerting me of blog comments of Facebook wall comments. No twitter. [gasp!]

In the rush that is Monday morning, I did not have time to sit down and have a proper breakfast at my apartment. [apparently I fought the snooze button, and the snooze button won.  Which, as I think about it now, must mean that essentially, I won as well. Snooze button + Heather = fabulous, championship team ] Instead, I packed myself breakfast to take with me to work.  1/3 c almond milk and 1/3 c water, 1/3 c. oats, 1/3 c mixed berries [read: blue, black, rasp.] and 1 T sweetened coconut.  Breakfast made easy and transportable. I threw it all in my Starbucks "I save the planet" tote [read: brown paper bag] , and left my apartment at 7:57 AM.

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In the rush that is Monday morning, after reaching the office at 7:59 AM (LOVE living so close!) I was ready to start my day.  Normal Monday
things took place: good mornings. How-was-your-weekends. Reading through my new page-a-day calendars weekend days [did you know that yesterday was George Foreman’s birthday? It’s true.  He is also the oldest man to ever win a major title, at the age of 45. Take that you young bucks!] Get thee to the kitchen to make some tea, refrigerate my lunch, and make my oatmeal.

In the rush that is Monday morning, I couldn’t simply stand by the
microwave and supervise as my oatmeal was coming to fruition.  Instead I
tried to pull the anti-Ange and multitask my way around the break room
and kitchen area.  Put lunch away. Feed plant. Fill water bottle. Forget about Oatmeal until DING.  And you know what came next; Oatmeal EXPLOSION. [curse word optional]

In the rush that is Monday morning, I burnt my hand while trying to
salvage the half serving of oatmeal that was still in the now slightly
melty plastic bowl.  After cleaning the microwave, I mixed my toppings
into the now halved serving of oats and returned to my desk to read
through emails and warm up via oats & awake tea.

In the rush that is Monday morning, I signed for UPS packages, greeted a visitor, separated the mail, and sat on hold for several minutes.  May I make a suggestion that once January 11th comes around, you take the time to remove the holiday tunes from your hold music.  I’m just saying.

In the rush that is Monday morning, I found time to solve seven
problems, empty my recycle bin, file a box of papers, complete 3
reports, and drink two Chai Lattes.  And when I found myself on hold
again (no Christmas tunes this time), I sat phone attached to ear for
the 27 minutes it took for someone to find me an answer, organizing my
desk space, marveling over my cute new stapler, writing out a postcard,
listening to an NPR podcast and reading my Daily Morsel from SARK.

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In the rush that is Monday morning, I realized I had already given
myself permission to nap. Because although I feel disconnected, wore two
different socks, sacrificed half a bowl of oats, endured a 37 degree
burn, and broken out into "Monday, Monday" no less than a dozen times- I wouldn’t have it any other way.  That 20 minute snooze-button supported nap was the best way to start the week and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Some days I wonder how mornings would go had I have walked down the
aisle this past September – sharing a bed with another person, waking to
blue bird chirps and a warm embrace.  Scripture reading and good-day
prayers over breakfast and coffee, as we pack our bags and depart one
another, headed in our own direction.  A kiss goodbye and the comfort of
knowing that there will be someone to come home to, to eat dinner with,
to share my Monday stories with, and laugh and plan and love.  The
idealist fairy-tale newlywed-ness that I know we never would have been
even if we would have said "I do" and danced our first dance to the song
which still makes me cringe when I hear it.  But the realist in me knows
that it wouldn’t be all blue birds and scripture readings.  It wouldn’t
all be easy or natural.  I wouldn’t get my way every moment of every
day.

I know that someday I will get to have my newlywed winter.  The snuggles
as the wind blows.  The packing leftover chili in his lunch and leaving
notes on the bathroom mirror.  The date nights and the road trips and
the evenings in together.  The couples game nights and dinner parties
and sharing the same last name.

But I know along with that will come arguing and compromise and days of
disagreement.  Struggles and figuring out how to live with one another, and how to be a Mrs. And I know that along with that will come a loss of
singlehood that I can’t take for granted right now.

I am responsible for me and me alone.  I get to take care of me and me
alone. I don’t need to shower by a certain time in order that he can
shower too, or clear the project off the kitchen table so that more than one person can sit and eat comfortably.  I get to take up the whole bed, and eat peanut butter out of the jar, and take my time in the shower.  I get to pick the movie, EVERY movie, and schedule my gym time according to my work schedule and no one else’s. It doesn’t matter what time I get home or what time I leave or if I suddenly decide at 4:47 that I will be going to the mall right after work, meaning dinner won’t be made until much later.

Sometimes I look at the posts of my married blog pals, or talk to one of my married girl friends, and I find myself feeling a little jealous.  Their relationships seem to be such a building, encouraging force in their lives and in their quest for being the best they can be.  I know that someday that will come for me.  I believe there is a future for love in my life, but I refuse to be concerned any longer with the when and the where and the who.

In the rush that is Monday morning, I know that this is where I need to be- selfishly using every pillow, and hitting snooze because I can. Enjoying every waking moment and enjoying every nap.

How is was your Monday morning?

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 11, 2010 3:15 pm

    Monday mornings are really rough for me right now. I really dislike my job, so I hate them. It really makes me sad because I have always loved working, loved my jobs, loved living, life and everyday in general.

    My point of view on newlywed winters? I don’t like sharing a queen bed – I need a king. My husband steals the covers. He also snores all night. And he smells sometimes. Real stuff. Live these days up, girl. 🙂

  2. fromatopink permalink
    January 11, 2010 3:33 pm

    LOVE this post. What you’ve learned, that taking time for yourself and letting go of the “when” is incredibly, is a hard lesson to come by (as you most definitely know). But it is also one of the most crucial. There WILL be a when and a how and a where, it just isn’t right NOW. And the only way to get there is to tend to yourself 🙂

  3. January 11, 2010 5:04 pm

    I love the honesty in your post. Yes, being a Mrs. is great, but you sometimes DO have to shower earlier than you want so he can shower, or deal with freezing toes when he takes all of the covers, or go home after work when you really want to go to the gym, just because you haven’t had much time to hang out with him lately. It can be wonderful, but it ain’t all roses! 🙂
    Glad to see that you are keeping things in perspective!!!

  4. January 11, 2010 11:15 pm

    You write so beautifully. I love each and every post you write.

  5. January 12, 2010 2:23 am

    Relish the extra time you get to keep that awesome last name. 🙂

    About a year ago, we bought a really nice bed. We just finished paying it off and it is nice to have. But, as you know, we now have a (very cute) dog. So that queen bed that we just finished paying off really, really, REALLY needs to be a king.

    But oh well…

  6. January 12, 2010 10:22 am

    I love this post, Heather especially the part about being a newlywed. Many of my friends are married, too, and it can get really hard. So many times I have felt like the last single girl in the world. Reading your thoughts and perspective on the subject is so refreshing. Thank you! xoxo

  7. January 13, 2010 5:26 pm

    “waking to
    blue bird chirps and a warm embrace. Scripture reading and good-day
    prayers over breakfast and coffee, as we pack our bags and depart one
    another, headed in our own direction. A kiss goodbye”

    ..this is not what happens in my house…if we leave in the morning still on speaking terms it is a good morning..usually there is a lot of argument over who kept who awake all night by snoring, pulling covers, etc. There is a lot of grumpiness because of said snoring and cover stealing, etc. There is a refusal on his part to exit the bed in a timely manner. Then there is a rush to find lunch, keys, a left shoe, at which point names may or may not be called. and it has only been one month.

  8. January 14, 2010 9:00 pm

    I love this post. 😀

    xo.

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